Granted, dealing with the thorny issue of what to say to couples in the pews living in sin, isn’t easy to resolve, yet, I thought addressing these thorny issues in our society IS the role of religion. But what about a practice among some in Baptist churches who say.. “if you’re shacking up, you’re NOT welcome here.”

Jesus came for the sinners… except in Seattle!

Beverly Park Baptist Church in Seattle, stresses that people must be made aware of biblical teaching and that some moral standards must be met before individuals are accepted for church membership. Oh my, I wonder what Jesus would say about this “moral” standard?

Soooooooooooo, when an unmarried, cohabitating couples who’ve been attending the church inquire about joining, they’re told that the congregation is glad with their presence. BUT you’re not welcome as a member unless you marry or move apart. Guess who sleeps in or goes camping next Sunday.

Now everyone has a right to their standards but if you’re going to cut out cohabiters why not cut out alcoholics, adulterers, child abusers, wife beaters, tax cheats and all the other sinners in the congregation. Something about, “let he who is without sin, cast the first stone!” comes to mind.

If there was ever a time for all aspects of society ESPECIALLY mainstream religion to try a different approach to help build and sustain marriages, it is now especially when…

1. Divorce rates for 1st marriages can exceed 70% depending upon factors such as age, education & income
2. Our rate of marriage has dropped 50% in 40 years while cohabitation is skyrocketing
3. Fewer people are getting married now than ever
4. For the 1st time in U.S. history more of us are single than married

Churches must figure out better answers to tough questions about cohabitation as society’s definition of marriage and family continues to evolve. A USA TODAY poll of 1,007 adults found that most today reject the notion that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced. Instead,

• 49% said living together makes divorce less likely

• 13% said it makes no difference

• 31% said living together first makes divorce more likely

Like it or not, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have become the new American family role model for many and why not, who else can the youth of today look to for answers on how to avoid the high failure rate of marriage in America… highest in the world.

Brad and Angelina have no wedding plans and Angelina said, “The focus is the kids, and we are obviously extremely committed to the children and as parents together… to have a ceremony on top of it is nothing.”

This is the new reality and it is going mainstream, as the USA Today poll also found, respondents appeared open-minded on whether unmarried couples can have a committed relationship. 57%, when asked if an unmarried couple who have lived together for five years is as committed as a couple married five years, said yes

To say come back when you’re no longer living in sin seems to be the absolute opposite of what Jesus was all about. Instead, as one pastor at the Park Central Baptist Church in Dallas says, “If we believe ‘come all who are weary and heavy-laden,’ we must love people, not turn them away.”

So the message seems clear, the congregation should focus on developing relationships first. As a senior pastor of Atlanta’s Wieuca Road Baptist Church states, “churches must build relationships to help people first find faith and then to grow. “We open our membership to anyone… we start with where they are and help them,” “Trying to determine who’s at fault isn’t productive. We take the ‘now what’ approach: [Since] this has happened, now what?”

Wieuca Road concentrates on accepting individuals, regardless of the issues they face. “Acceptance is not the same thing as condoning. But if you provide the acceptance, there is room to grow,” the pastor said. “If you point fingers, people are more likely to walk away. “I would rather err on the side of acceptance. … People grow with grace. I’ve never seen anyone grow under legalism… Why would people want to go to a church that adds more burdens?”

AMEN!

Is it hypocrisy or a younger generation trying to balance biblical beliefs with modern reality… you be the judge?

Under the radar screen raging hormones or economic necessity may be driving Evangelicals to cohabit even when they know they should not. Here is what some say is really going on among the young, conservative, morale and righteous among us:

Lessons yet learned by Evangelical leaders:

Years of condemning cohabitation has done NOTHING to slow down the rate of cohabitation among young Christians. In addition, while rates of marriage continue to decline, rates of cohabitation are about to skyrocket since nearly 70% of high schoolers think living together is both harmless and worthwhile.

Explanations for the Rise in Cohabitation

1. Many cohabitating couples had parents who divorced after many years of marriage, thus, by cohabiting they feel they will avoid the mistakes of their parents.
2. Many cohabitating couples see themselves as far more independent than previous generations and they no longer depend on a committed partner for financial, physical or emotional needs, or general daily chores such as cooking and cleaning.
3. Many cohabiting young people feel they have greater choice, more time to find a soul mate and less of a need to make a full commitment.
4. Many cohabiting couples expect to invest less and receive less from the relationship by selecting a “wait and see” attitude.