Cohabitation Nation!

The Facts:

  • There are nearly 12 million Americans living with an unmarried different- sex partner, 1.2 million Americans living with a same-sex partner, 11% of unmarried partners are same-sex couples.
  • Similar to the U.S., Western Europe and Especially the Scandinavian countries have some of the highest rates of cohabitation in the world. In addition, and as an understandable result, these countries have low rates of marriage and high levels of divorce.
  • As further evidence of the blurring of boundaries between cohabitation and marriage, cohabitating couples in these countries have almost identical rights and responsibilities in the area of taxation, inheritance and childcare
  • 41% of women ages 15-44 have cohabited (lived with unmarried different-sex partner) at some point. This includes 9% of women ages 15-19, 38% of women ages 20-24, 49% of women ages 25-29, 51% of women ages 30-34, 50% of women ages 35-39, and 43% of women ages 40-44.
  • The number of unmarried couples living together increased 72% between 1990 and 2000.
  • The number of unmarried couples living together has increased tenfold between 1960 and 2000

The Reasons for Cohabiting:

  • Living with someone first is a way to avoid divorce and to test compatibility or establish financial security before marrying.
  • Many see little difference between the commitment to live together and the commitment to marriage and it is easier to establish and dissolve.
  • Cohabiting couples do not have to seek legal or religious permission to form or dissolve their union.
  • Some cohabiting couples do so to escape from family turmoil.
  • Nearly half of all cohabiting couples plan to marry.
  • Many cohabit to share living expenses, to avoid loneliness or in response to social pressure to find a mate.
  • Cohabiting can be seen as a reflection of society’s “do your own thing” attitude of low-commitment and high-autonomy reflected in pop culture, music and the entertainment industry.
  • Cohabitation is more common among those who are less religious.
  • People who cohabit are much more likely to come from a home where their parents divorced.
  • Couples from divorced families are much more likely to cohabit in an attempt to avoid the mistakes of their parents and they often start living together at younger ages than they would typically marry.
  • In many cases, living together is an understandable attempt to avoid the painful experiences of being raised in a broken home.
  • Many cohabiting couples see themselves as far more independent than previous generations and they no longer count on a committed partner for financial, physical or emotional needs or general daily chores such as cooking and cleaning.
  • Cohabiting young people feel they have greater choice, more time to choose a partner and less of a need to make a full commitment

The Results of Cohabitation:

  • Those involved in serial cohabitation find it is easier to continually dissolve relationships including marriages. However, those who never cohabit but marry and divorce, find it easier to file for another divorce, as well. The failure rate of second or even third marriages bears this out.
  • Most cohabiting couples who break up will end up in another cohabiting relationship.
  • Women often get dumped by men who move onto younger women as their next cohabiting partner.
  • If children are involved, they usually stay with the mother, which reduces her chances of finding another suitable partner.
  • In addition, children continue to suffer since they are not clear about the relationship between parents and how they fit into their life.
  • Religion is less likely to be an important part of the life of a cohabiting couple since, in most cases, religion does not approve of cohabiting partnerships.
  • At the same time while many cohabiting partners recognized that their living together is wrong by religious standards, they could not envision an alternative way of living.
  • Cohabiting couples report being less happy and less sexually satisfied due, in part, to less monogamy among cohabiting couples.
  • Cohabiting couples report feeling less connected to a community and need to make an effort to reach out to socialize with others since cohabiting couples are not as readily accepted in society, at least not yet.
  • Depression among cohabiting couples is triple the rate of married couples, while physical aggression happens twice as often as it does among married partners, and cohabiting women are more likely than married women to suffer physical and sexual abuse.
  • 75% of children born to cohabiting parents will see their parents split up before they reach age 16 while this happens to only 1/3 of children born to married parents.
  • The rise in and acceptance of cohabitation means that legal marriage is becoming one of just several alternative lifestyle choices.
  • As cohabitation becomes stronger, the institution of marriage is likely to be weakened but the gap between the two is closing as cohabiting couples increasingly gain the same legal benefits and responsibilities as married couples.
  • Some claim that extending the benefits of being married condones a fragile family structure where women and children are at greater risk.
  • Mainstreaming cohabitation may mean that societal expectations of live-in relationships will rise, pressuring cohabiting couples to be more mindful and purposeful when forming and maintaining cohabiting family units.
  • Many women tend to see living together as the next step before marriage while many men see it as a sexual opportunity without the commitment.
  • Current evidence does not show that living together before marriage increases the likelihood of happy and long-lasting marriages.